Why Unwritten Rules Matter in Games and Hobbies

Imagine going into a communal ceramics studio. Knowing how to make a bowl does not tell you whether the brush beside the sink is available, how long someone can occupy the best workbench, or who cleans it afterwards.

There are things that technical directions don’t tell you about sharing an activity. People also have expectations about the small inconveniences they can reasonably ask others to put up with. For example, a group may decide that they will place tools right back where they were taken from; however, no one expects anyone else to touch their work that is not complete unless the owner of the work is present.

These guidelines are generally referred to as unwritten rules, even though some of them eventually get placed on a bulletin board. The difference is mostly due to their function. They help define your experience while doing something. Therefore, a newcomer can be technically proficient yet unaware of a local custom. This doesn’t mean the newcomer is being inconsiderate. The regulars may never have thought to explain the custom.

Sharing More Than Equipment

People also share time and attention. Think about a photography club gathering at a single vantage point. A photographer could stand at the perfect spot, and continually adjust a tripod. While each adjustment individually makes sense, collectively these adjustments add up to cause delays for those waiting behind them.

A guideline of taking a few photos and then making room would give everyone access without requiring a booking system. There is room for exceptions: someone changing a lens may need another moment, while someone who has finished can step aside early.

This type of arrangement requires that individuals pay attention to the environment. In addition to paying attention to physical surroundings, a group has to pay attention to social interactions. Conversation can be acceptable while sitting down having coffee during a workshop break, but unacceptable when someone is trying to focus on their project.

Winning Without Making It Personal

Individuals may be able to accept losing, but disagree with how the winner treated them during competition. The outcome of the game or competition tells us who won or lost, but nothing about whether the individual enjoyed the encounter or felt humiliated by it.

One area that highlights this problem clearly is poker. The explanation of slow rolling on GipsyTeam describes delaying the reveal of a winning hand so an opponent briefly believes they have won. The issue here isn’t really whether or not the cards are strong enough for the win, but whether or not the opponent had to endure excessive suspense because of the actions of the winner.

This distinction matters when determining why behavior occurs. An individual who honestly needs extra time to comprehend the play of their hand is significantly different from someone who deliberately delays revealing a winning hand. Assuming every pause represents an insult will likely make the table less welcoming to novice players.

Similar types of issues occur when friendly competition involves teasing. Opponents familiar with each other may interpret jokes that would be seen as humiliation by a stranger. Simply having an interest in common does not guarantee that both parties will have similar senses of humor. Giving permission to engage in competitive activities does not give you permission to demean your fellow competitors.

When Courtesy Enters the Rulebook

Etiquette and formal rules sometimes overlap. Golf provides a clear example. According to the USGA on Player Conduct, players should act with integrity; show consideration for others; and take good care of the course. In addition, the USGA says that a committee may adopt its own code of conduct.

When you write down your requirements for behavior, this provides a method of communication when many unknown individuals are using the same facility. A requirement to care for a playing surface protects its condition for the people who use it next.

Consider the situation of a board game group whose participants dislike being given advice by spectators while they play. This could be communicated to the rest of the group as a “house rule.” If presented as a universal rule applicable to all games, it will cause confusion among visiting gamers who have participated in other groups operating under different rules or customs.

Using clear language is helpful in distinguishing between what is required as part of participating; what the group has agreed upon; and what the individual prefers.

Customs Need Explanations, Too

While unwritten rules can be beneficial to the group, they can develop into unjust practices if the group anticipates that others will learn the rules through mistakes. Providing a brief explanation prior to engaging in an activity will provide better guidance than publicly scolding a newcomer after an avoidable error.

For example, at a local pottery studio, labels could be created to differentiate between shared brushes and each person’s brushes. As another example, at a viewing area, a leader of the group could give directions regarding turn-taking. None of these solutions require a lengthy discussion about showing respect.

Providing an explanation also affords an opportunity to question whether the tradition is equitable. Imagine a club that expects all members to help move heavy furniture after a meeting. While sharing the load is certainly a justifiable reason to ask for assistance, there need to be alternative methods provided for members who cannot physically move the furniture. Simply relying upon tradition will not solve this dilemma.

Practical etiquette facilitates coordination of activities within a group. Practical etiquette saves people’s time; allows individuals to focus their attention; and leaves opportunities for individuals to participate in varying capacities.